Reclaiming
By Calvin Genzel
Several years ago a therapist who was leading a group was asked to present an image that would help group members understand spirituality. The leader looked around the room and focused on a massive stone fireplace. He then replied, “Spirituality is like the mortar in the fireplace. Just as the mortar makes the chimney a chimney, allowing it to stand up strong and tall, beautiful in its wholeness, the spiritual is what makes us wholly human. It holds our experiences together, shapes them into a whole, gives them meaning, allows them—and us—to be whole.” He continued, “Without the spiritual, however physically brave or healthy or strong we may be, however mentally alert or clever or brilliant we may be, however emotionally integrated or mature we may be, we are not somehow all there.”
There has been a renewed interest in spiritual matters, ideas, and experiences in recent years in the United States and probably around the world. More and more people are recognizing that without some spiritual or soulful connection to something transcendent and lasting or to someone greater and more powerful than one’s self, then something is missing in our lives and “we are not somehow all there.”
Because it deals with intangible ideas such as transcendence and soul, spirituality is a difficult term to define. In addition, the term “spirituality” is often confused with the notion of “religion.” A religion is an organized system of beliefs and practices that attempts to assist persons in discovering and living out ultimate meanings and eternal values. Judaism, Islam, Christianity, and Hinduism are examples of religions. All of them incorporate religious rituals and belief systems that offer the adherent a means of orienting himself or herself in the world and providing a sense of meaning and value.
Spirituality has similar aims, but is often defined individually and practiced apart from an organized group. In a general sense, spirituality is an individual’s connection to someone or something greater than one’s self that: 1) provides that person with a sense of identity and worth; 2) presents a way of understanding the meaning and value of life; and, 3) inspires and nurtures our capacities to become fully human. While religions may facilitate that spiritual connection, many expressions of spirituality are lived out apart from an organized or traditional religious context. For example, I have often found that singing show tunes with a group of friends around the piano at the Front Porch in Ogunquit provides a sense of spiritual connection, shared community, and joy that I do not experience in some religious services!
Many religions and spiritualities include a belief in divine or transcendent beings, often referred to as God or Goddess, a Higher Power, or other individual deities. Monotheistic religions, such as Islam, Judaism, and Christianity, are organized systems of thought and practice that profess a belief in one God. Polytheistic religions, such as those practiced by the ancient Greek and Roman peoples, proclaimed the existence of many gods, including a goddess of wisdom and a god of war. Pantheism is the belief that God or some expression of the divine exists in everything. However, spirituality does not necessarily include a belief in God or a divine being. Some spiritual perspectives point to the existence of positive energy, nature, a life force, or a universal spirit as the source of inspiration, meaning and wholeness.
The distinction between religion and spirituality is particularly important for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered persons because many of us have been degraded, ostracized, and condemned by adherents of organized religious groups. Understandably this has left many of us spiritually wounded and rightfully angry at some traditional religions. As a result, many of us have chosen to leave religious organizations and to reject outright any form of spiritual expression, a choice that can separate us from other potentially life-enhancing spiritual connections. However, the spiritual crisis experienced by many in our community can challenge us to develop a personal understanding of spirituality apart from an historical faith or set of traditional doctrines. And this sense of spirituality can provide significant sustenance, guidance, and hope for our lives.
It is important to acknowledge that the sin of homophobia is alive and well in many organized religions and personal spiritualities. Homophobia, fueled by irrational fears, ignorance, and misunderstandings, manifests itself in horrific condemnations, such as the “God hates fags” slogan found on one virulently antigay religious website. It gets institutionalized in officially sanctioned religious dogmas such as the United Methodist Church’s declaration that being gay or lesbian is “incompatible with Christian faith and teaching.” Homophobia is formally sanctioned when religious organizations prohibit the ordination or appointment of self-avowed and practicing gay or lesbian clergy. Homophobia is at work when religious authorities scapegoat us as diluters of the Christian faith and blame our community for the current sexual abuse scandal.
One of the most harmful psychological results of these expressions of homophobia is that many GLBTQ persons internalize these beliefs and we begin to hate and reject ourselves. Because some of the antigay rhetoric we hear is from representatives of organized religions we may be unwelcome at their services and rituals and feel ashamed and inadequate, simply for being who we are. As a result, we may experience a terrible internal torment about our natural longings for emotional, intellectual, and physical connections to persons of the same gender and our innate yearnings for connection with a life-giving Source of energy, power, and love.
So what do we do when these two natural sets of human needs and desires conflict? Some of us may attempt to deny or repress our sexuality by throwing ourselves completely into our spiritual lives or our work. It is not surprising that there are so many GLBTQ persons in religious helping professions because those vocations offer us the opportunity to prove that we are persons of sacred worth by performing important religious and humanitarian services. In addition, in many cases these professions may be perceived to be a way to avoid dealing with troubling sexual feelings, fantasies, and desires. However, by suppressing or repressing our erotic energies and desires for intimate and full connections with others, we cut ourselves off from an important, good, and life-giving part of our humanity. “We are not, somehow, all there.”
On the other hand, some persons may cope with the perceived dissonance between sexuality and spirituality by giving up on religion and spirituality completely. One man who was rejected from a Baptist congregation because he is gay is quoted as saying, “They do not want me, so I do not want them.” The decision to leave a discriminatory and abusive religious organization can be a healthy step toward personal health and self-esteem. However, if we subsequently shut ourselves off from any connection with a life-giving and loving source of energy, guidance, challenge, and nurture, we are neglecting our innate needs for spiritual awareness and relationship. “We are not, somehow, all there.”
There is, however, another option for GLBTQ persons. We can integrate our natural and strong erotic and relational longings and our innate and vital needs for spiritual connection by affirming that both are essential and vital for a healthy life. Faced with religious organizations that assert that to be GLBTQ and spiritual is immoral or impossible, we are challenged to become spiritual rebels.
Choosing to reject antigay religious rhetoric as uninformed and antithetical to authentic spirituality is an act of faith. It requires a commitment to honor the integrity of the truth that we know deeply within ourselves and which others in our community have discovered through their spiritual journeys. It challenges us to trust the unique movements of divine life within our own souls and to rely upon the ways in which spirit is being made manifest in our lives and community. It asks of us the willingness to bring reasoned and informed thinking to our spiritual consciousness and daily living. The American poet, e.e. cummings once wrote, “To be one’s self in a world that is doing all it can to make you into someone you are not is the most difficult thing we ever have to do.” Reclaiming our spirituality or defining a spiritual connection for the first time—just like coming out—is one of the most important things that we can do to promote our health and the well-being of our community.
In addition to providing us with an internal compass which helps us determine how we are going to relate to others and what goals and values are important to us, practicing a spiritual life has some practical and tangible benefits. Recent research has revealed that living a spiritual life—connecting to someone or something larger than ourselves—can improve our immune systems and facilitate recovering from physical ailments and surgeries. Participating in a spiritual practice—such as prayer, meditation, yoga, or attendance at a religious service—can reduce stress and facilitate a greater capacity to cope with difficulties. Engaging in a spiritual life in which one is connected to a positive and life-giving source of energy and hope has also been shown to diminish anxiety and depression. As GLBTQ people, genuine and energizing spirituality can empower us to live our lives authentically and zestfully, one day at a time.
Calvin Genzel, Ph.D., is an openly gay man living in New Hampshire. A licensed psychologist, he is the Clinical Director at Pastoral Counseling Services in Manchester, New Hampshire, and an ordained minister in the United Church of Christ.